Forgive my complaining

Ok I know that I usually only write about the crap stuff that is happening in my life. And I am sorry but tonight/this morning is going to be another venting post.

This weekend we went and saw B. We had a parent/student workshop on Friday and were supposed to visit with him all day on Sat. We got there in time to eat breakfast with him on friday, and he looks FANTASTIC!! He has lost a little over 20 pounds and looks so happy. Not angry like he always did. Then it was on to our meetings. It was pretty much the same stuff as we did the last time, but review doesnt do anyone any harm. It was fun to do the trust exercises with him to. After lunch the workshop part was over and we got to hang out with him for a while. We played phase 10 and talked. B really started to open up to us about his drug and alcohol useage. I knew he had done both, but really didnt know he had started at the end of his 7th grade year, or what all he had done. It really felt good that he was opening up. We also talked about last week when he got into the teachers desk and stole the rubber cement to huff it. I was SOOO angry that he had stole it with the intention to do that, and while I am still very disapointed in him, I was very happy to learn that when they had group about it, B for the first time in years stood up and said "I did it." At first he said well this kids did it, but quickly told them that it really was him. 3 months ago, he never would have admitted to doing it. He would have gone to his grave blaming someone else. This is a huge step for B.
Well our all day visit on Sat, ended up being only 1 hour. After we left on Friday he didnt want to settle back into routine and gave the staff a lot of trouble. So he actually had to earn his one hour visit. It was nice for the little kids to get to see him, and I guess that is what counts.

No onto the vent. Tonight, (last night since its 4 am,) I get a call from his stepmom. They had been there to see B earlier for their day with him, and to do their workshop. Well all they see is the negative stuff. Which really frustrates me. She called to say that they wanted us to not visit him basically until he meets the next level. Which we were already planning anyway, but not for the reasons that they wanted it.

B has only made it to the second level, which is the communications level. Most kids after being there this long have already made it to Mastery which is the 3rd level. BUT not all kids that have been there have. He, from what I could understand felt that he was only going to be there for 14 months so he could just skate by and not do any of the work to get to the next levels. Try to do the I will do as little as I have to because I wont be here that long anyway thing. Well it doesnt work like that. 14 months is the MINIMUM that he will be there. We finally got him to understand that I think. Now what he does with it, I dont know. This is why she and his dad do not want us to see him. Use it as a incentive to get B to do his work. Which is a good idea in a lot of ways, but her conversation rubbed me the wrong way. They talked to Kelly (staff member) about him not being up the level, and got the impression that B was a rare case of being on this level for so long, which isnt true. That and all the negative things she felt the need to point out.

1. He isnt on Mastery
2. He has turned in only 10% of his schoolwork.
3. He still throws huge fits.
4. The glue incedent.

Well yeah, he has only turned in 10% of his schoolwork. But what about looking at the posative side. That is 10% MORE homework than he was turning in before he went to that school.

Yes he still throws fits, but they are fewer and farther between fits. Instead of haveing one every night, he is going weeks in between fits and they are not as big in the fact that he has stopped hitting walls, and windows.

And yes, he did do the glue thing, but he confessed to doing it. Which like I said, he would never do even 3 months ago.

She went on to tell me that they think that since he isnt working that hard on his schooling that they should just let him work towards his GED. WRONG!! He will work towards finishing school. I will not allow him to just give up. They are giving up on him before he has much time to prove himself. He has gone 2 1/2 years with doing NOTHING at school, to doing his work for the 5 months he is there. She also said that if he doesnt make it past level one before he leaves that place he will not be allowed to stay in their home. WRONG AGAIN LADY!! you took me to court to get the right to have him at your house part time, get the right to make the choices for him that you both do today, you are NOT going to not let him come back. Unless of course your butts want to go back to court.


I guess the thing that is the most upsetting to me is, a few weeks ago during one of his calls home I got to hear how good he had been since his fathers visit a few times. Then the next day I got a copy of one of his writting assinments about why he always just quits instead of pushing on at a task, and he said, "that because people like his teachers and even his mom, never cared if he quit or not." And to top things all off, while we were there this friday we went up to see his room and he had a bunch of pictures of his dad, step mom and their 2 kids hanging all over the wall, and when asked where the pictures of our family were, he said "they are in one of my drawers somewhere."

All that, and I am the one who is giving up on him?